Hey Girls

CW - 135

sorry its been a couple days since i wrote in here..lifes a lil crazy but i think i make it that way? i dont know? i got me deisle yesterday...i shot two bags around 12...the feeling was good as always..but i felt a lil sick...probably cuz i havent did it in a while...then around 4 pm i took a "nap" with my BF but i ended up sleeping until 9 am this morning!! i was like WTF!? so yea i havent eaten anything in like 3 days lol..

i'll update more later

i've just realized today that im addicted to two very consuming things...anorexia & heroin...im in for it deep huh?

some of my dumb poetry lol

slipping away into the blackened void again

too much for me to begin to comprehend

all of my questions have been left unsaid

i just cant get this out of my head

im spiraling down and down again 

blurred preceptions of the days endured

sickened with pleasure have i been cured? 

i cant take much more of this i cant break much more of this 

somebody help me outta this hole ive dug so carefully for myself

im slipping away into the blackened void again

too much shit i cant fuckin comprehend

all your answers left unsaid

i just cant get this out of my head

My silence

the silence is killing me

but i cant break through

i dont know where to turn

and i dont know what to do

i feel as though i have no one

and i know i dont have you

this silence is slowly killing me

and i cant break through

never did i imagine life would be so cruel

the memories have slowly faded even the ones of you

i reminisce so sadly of the days come and gone

i urn for the past but i know i must go on

it hurts so bad but i know i must be strong

i wanna scream my emotions but i cant catch my breath

and so i fear the silence will haunt me even to my death

this silence is slowly killing me

and i cant break through

i feel as though i have no one

and i know i dont have you

CW 137

well...i dont know why i weigh that...i ate yesterday, but seeing the scale say 137 gives me more motivation not to eat...just 7 more fuckin pounds to my goal weight..7 fuckin pounds!! grrr...my mom keeps saying how thin i am or how skinny i got...and my works pants are literally falling off my ass...so she is taking me to get new pants...a size small!! woot woot...im so happy...but im still not satisified...i want to be 115-110...so i have like 25  more pounds to loose...ugh..but fuck it..i will accomplish my goals and i will be stick thin someday...hopefully sooner than that lol

i have to go to work today @ 4:00 pm unitl 10:00...i'll try to update more when i get back from running around

 <--- i made this one  those words are perfect for describing me and probably most of you girls too

EDIT

yea i fit in size small pants..(perfectly)...then why do i feel like a fucking lard ass?!@#@$%

HeLlo Gorgeous

well..im definantly feeling better...i havent eaten since Saturday...im just gonna say 30 hours but its probably been more...i havent weighed myself since yesterday...i know i'll probably be dissappointed...im stuck at 140 & it sucks...i seriously need to do like a 7 day fast to break this...i need to get past 140...its fricken killin me! when i hit 135-130..i'll be happy..for the time being...

i hate my job...last nite was PURE HELL!! everything was breaking down, our dishwasher walked out on us...our 3rd waitress left at 4:30...we were slammed...it fuckin sucked !! but i made over 70$..so thats ok i guess?

my mom is callin the doctor..after this weekend i want to go on anti-depressants...im not getting into details but i will say this...i basically freaked out on my b/f and we both ended up getting really hurt...physically...yea i have a broken nose and shit...it was really bad

but knowing my luck...they'll wanna put me on anti-pshycotics or some crazy shit like that...but bla bla bla...no one wants to hear about that lol

intouch magazine-"IS HOLLYWOOD TO BLAME?"

dresses at celeb boutique kitson go from sizes 0 to 8. the average american woman dress size is 12-14.
the average celeb jeans size is a 28 waist. the average american woman's jean size is a 34 waist.
some zone meals are 300 calories.  a big mac meal is 1,290 calories.
what is hollywood to blame for? small, healthy meals? not contributing to the obesity epidemic? america is the fattest nation in the world and still growing. that is absolutely D I S G U S T I N G. why do we pay so much attention to the eating disorders of the stars when millions of people weigh like ten times more them then anyways? FOUR OUT OF FIVE PEOPLE OVER 25 ARE OVERWEIGHT -- GROSS. i refuse to ever become one of these people.

i  rather die from being too skinny and working out too much than die from being a fatass. and i'll never believe that bs about how some people are born fat or are "big-boned". very rarely is obesity an hereditary disease.

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